Linda Dominique Grosvenor-Holland is the bestselling author of the award-winning book The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate (Feb, 2010) which has been called, “unadulterated spiritual relationship guidance for modern times,” and The Love Better Manual (Feb, 2013). Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for more than 150 publications including Modern Bride, Honey Magazine and MORE Magazine. She is a blissfully happy wife married to her soulmate Calvin and enjoys writing books that help assist people with having the best relationships of their lives.
It has always been said that men are visual creatures, but a woman can lock eyes with a well-put-together man and begin desiring him, craving him and dusting off a spot in her life for him before he's even said,"Hello," or asked her name. There is nothing as uncomfortable as wearing someone else's shoes, especially when they don't fit or don't match what you're wearing. But so many relish the smile on his face that they know they didn't put there, and the way he laughs that is reserved only for her and begin plotting to get him because they want him for themselves. For some, they act like the man doesn't even have a say in the matter. If they discover that someone else is taking an interest in this particular man they make it as clear as they can to them that he's been reserved without coming right out and saying, "He's mine, backoff!"
Maybe you offered yourself to him sexually as a down payment on the love you hoped to one day receive from him and that "one day" hasn't come yet; you're still waiting. Perhaps after spending your last dollar on an outfit you couldn't afford and positioning yourself near the right pew where he would notice you when church let out; all you got was a generic, "Good morning," like everyone else. It could be that when the pastor preached about love, relationships and marriage you perked up and prayed that he'd look your way and finally acknowledge that you are the one for him. But weeks later they're reading his wedding announcement at the podium and you're not the bride. Of course, you're furious, bitter and plotting revenge, but it's all because you're claiming something that isn't yours and was never intended to be yours in the first place.
You might tell anybody who will listen that another woman stole your man to soothe your hurt feelings, but it isn't true. Giving him sex didn't make him yours. Having daydreams in your mind about how your lives would be together didn't make him yours either and neither did trying to keep the other women in the church away from him because God can do anything and He will draw two people together from wherever He chooses—even in different states—just to further the purpose of His Kingdom. What you need to understand is that like the key to a secret diary nobody can open his heart except the woman that God has ordained to open it. He may allow others to skirt the edges of it, flirting, giggling or dipping in for a season. But when it comes to fully disclosing his hand and giving himself totally to the woman he can marry and spend the rest of his life celebrating a wise man who is tired of making mistakes will let God choose.
A man who is intent on growing and pleasing God comes to a point where he realizes that miscellaneous sex, random flirting and uncommitted companionships are temporal pleasures. Sure sex is good within the confines of a marriage, but God desires him to have a woman that he can relate to outside of the bedroom, too—a woman who has some right standing in His Kingdom. God has released many blessings to believers that are only visible in the spirit realm and we only need to tap into it to see and take hold of them before they manifest in the natural. That is how a true man of God finds his woman of God. He gets deep in the spirit to find out who is his. In the spirit realm you can't see a short skirt and fishnets or curly hair and diamonds dripping from her fingers—you see the heart: a heart that loves and obeys God. That's why you can't claim something that isn't yours or someone God didn't give you, because when the truth is revealed, if you're not the one, sadly it will be all over.
I've known my husband for more than 20 years, but we weren't married all that time. It's safe to say my blessing already existed in the spirit realm all that time because God always knows what will one day be. Now that we've been revealed to each other and we're in a marriage covenant we know there isn't another living soul that can claim either one of us. When two people are designed before the foundations of the world to be together it is evident in what they're doing for the Kingdom. God brings people together to make a difference, not to satisfy lusts and hidden agendas. When he brought us together it wasn't just chance. It was from the beginning and continues to be, to do His will and to help others learn to love better. That's why when we finally came together God didn't hesitate manifesting our purpose in each others' lives.
The crux of the lesson here is that you need to make certain when you begin to meditate on any man and you allow your feelings to flourish and get attached that it's because God said so, not your flesh. The flesh will have you embarrassed and have your girlfriends wondering what you were imagining that you had with this man as he walks down the aisle with another woman. Understand that there is a man out there with your name written on his spirit and you won't have to wear a certain thing or smile a certain way to get his attention. He's already yours and you just need to walk into the manifestation of that. Trust me, when a man is yours in the spirit, there is nothing that even the prettiest woman in stilettos can do about that. Now get deep in prayer, forgive who you need to forgive, let the past go and watch God do the rest!
© Linda Dominique Grosvenor-Holland 2014
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